I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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