The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
