I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
