his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
