There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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