DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
