Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
