My nipple is on Facebook.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
