You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
