I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
