come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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