Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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