Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
