i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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