even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
