At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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