If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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