Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
