Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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