Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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