Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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