glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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