im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
