I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
