Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
did you just send me my own nude
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
