The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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