I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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