Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
