he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
