i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
