Apparently you make a good broom.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
