I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
