Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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