The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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