So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
not ubering you a puppy
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
