Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
