He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
