whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
