New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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