You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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