i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
