shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
