I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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