i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
