The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
