I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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