I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I've blown a few things in my day
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
