You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
