Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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