im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
