There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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