Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
