its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
