THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
