Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
